The One Behind the Mask

In short: me.

Oh, we go through all these facades in our lives and we pretend to be someone else. I, admittedly, am one of those people who creates these masks that make them look like they have a perpetual smile on their faces. Actually, I've been so engrossed to keeping up the facade, that I've already forgotten just who I really am deep inside.

I guess...hmm...I guess, right off the bat, you can say that I'm not really happy. It's really bad of me to say that since I have a lot to be happy for and about. I come from a well-off family, I was born and raised well, I get good grades, I have fun friends, I've gotten a great education, I have a loving family, I have a lot of things that other kids my age don't...unfortunately, although they do make me happy, it's not really the happiness I'm looking for.

I'm thinking: karma. Maybe it's to make up for all those bad things I've done to people through the years--though, I can only really think of one or two things that have done some gravitational damage on people. Once was in the sixth grade when I turned everyone against someone I disliked at that time, and another was in the fourth grade when I turned everyone agains someone I disliked at that time. Sheesh, I'm a bad person to have done those things at such a young age.

But, really, honestly? Is that why I'm not happy? Is it really karma? Or maybe I just haven't found or earned that happiness? I guess, I'm only 17. Bleh, that's old na din, i think. I still have a lot to experience but...

me...behind the mask... who is that?

I'm sad, more often than not. When I'm alone I usually think of a lot of what ifs. I won't lie now. I won't pretend I don't think of being in another place, with other people. I won't lie that I don't think about being with someone and being happier--though not necessarily truly happy...

I suck. I'm not really happy. In fact, I'm so tired of pretending that I am. But, who wants to be friends with an ugly (but presentable), whiny, pessimistic liar? I'm just a weird, purple and harry potter-obsessed loser that obsesses over the idea of love and being loved.

And honestly? I dont know why I bother to keep this blog because I'm too lazy to keep updating it...

...I just want a hug from someone...

dance with me again.