Jesus, Take the Wheel

Sometimes it takes one thing, just one thing...one discreet thing... to get you to think about your whole life. Something as simple as a flower, or as grand as a sunset... it really gets your brain, your heart, and your tear glands working...

This summer has left me so bored that I've pondered on my life for, what seems to be, like the 3rd time this day alone...Anyway, if anyone's interested...here's what I've been thinking/ feeling lately.. like, a few minutes ago lately...

I was jealous today. Jealous of something that is totally stupid...well, no, not stupid...I dont know what it is really. But I was jealous. It was that...affection...I know. I knew I wanted that affection too. But then.. I wondered, why? Why was it that I sought that affection? Why was it that attracted me to it like a moth to a flame? Its not like I'm not loved enough. I think I am. I really am. So, what am I after? Why?

I feel so greedy and selfish. I, honestly, want to be contented with what I have.. why I'm still seeking for more than what I have, I don't know....

Its that..that...love. Yes love...What's with that anyway? It's so...over-rated.. yet here I am using that word. Do I still want that? I don't know anymore.. its that whole... rejection thing I'm worried about. See? That's what I'm talking about... Rejection... Rejection..well, yeah, we all know it.. .it sucks...so much to risk... and then you end up coming up with nothing in the end.. its useless? well, not totally...I mean...it leaves all these questions...awkwardness... and then sudden, sort of closure from the other person.. they'll think "oh this person likes me" and kind of just... pick the stuff they talk about with you... love builds and destroys. And, like everything else in life...it leaves you to clean up its mess...and for you to figure out what the heck that was all about...you see, i dont want to regret anything i've done...ever sinec I read tuesdays with morrie, i've pretty much avoided regretting things.

God, I dont know what i'm talking about anymore. I wish i could express my feelings as well as I describe what's in my imagination...I'll put that aside now...

I wish i could just be happy with everything i have now. I have a great life. I just wish that I could find it in myself to be contented with that and stop wanting more..................

Here's a song I want to dedicate to all those who are feeling as lost, confused and as dilemma'ed as I am....

 

Jesus Take the Wheel

by Carrie Underwood

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh