To be honest, i have no idea why i decided to open this up today. I was just thinking that, hey, this is rare: friday the 13th, so here I am. But part of me says that that isn't at all why. Maybe it's because if feel bad that I had to commute today, good that we were able to throw a good surprise for my friend, Kat, sad that I listened to that song again or maybe its because I just finished watching the season 3 finale of the OC in youtube. It was sad. Suffice to say, all that made me think. Well, there is a lot more than that, but those are the only things I feel free to saying at the moment. Yesterday afternoon when I was able to have a bit of free time to myself, I listened to the song while sitting in the conserve. It wasn't that long, but i got to think nontheless. About, well, everything.
There are times when I walk, travel, hang around and am alone, and most of those times I can picture myself doing all those things from a thrid person's point of view. As if i'm watching myself from afar, hover about eight feet from the floor, I watch myself. I watch myself knowing everything about myself. And I tell you, if a normal passerby saw myself knowing me, they'd probably stop instead of walking on. It has nothing to do with conceit, just, knowledge. And not just a passerby, anyone. If just anyone knew, even the people close to me, knew what I was thinking, right then...I'm not sure. But maybe they'd give e little bit of empathy. It's like relating to a character you watch in a movie. You know what they're thinking about but the other characters in the story had no idea. Something like that. If i'm even making sense, that is.
There have been a lot of opportunities to think over these past few days, and I took them all... even if I was engaged in a prior conversation. And certainly there were things I thought of that probably should have never risen or thought of. There were memories that resurfaced at the wrong time. But I guess it's okay. No one would no anyway...
How can you tell that you're sad about something? for me, its when i suddenly slump back in my chair, feel heavy when i walk, breathe in very deeply and something is stinging me right below my neck. My shoulders are slouching and my hands feel heavy and painful. That, and of course the tears. But then, is there anything to be sad about? I've been crying a bit lately. Just a bit. Random times...but same thought. I am happy one moment and then I think of it and I get all that feeling that I said above. When that happens, I know I'm sad and I just get into that kind of mood. I know what I'm thinking about, and I think I know why. And everytime I think of why, I cry just a bit more. Then I close my eyes and sleep.
I know the stuff I said before...but... somehow part of me still wants to give in to the temptation of doing just the opposite of what I said I believed in. But I guess, just because you believe something, doesnt necessarily mean that it's what you want...right? I dont know.
But I still liked friday the 13 though... happy birthday kat.
so random noh? and i was so very vague....maybe cause it just isnt something all should know..or should ever be said.
No comments:
Post a Comment