The One About the Waiting

I was sitting quietly, minding my own business in La Casita today. We decided to go down there because my friends wanted to eat. It was raining outside so we decided to stay in. We were supposed to be studying for a test... But i had already done my studying and decided to lay back. I closed my eyes and suddenly all i could think of was what i had been avoiding to think about for two days...

Kelan bang makikita ng iyong mga mata

Kelan bang maririnig sayo na tayo na...

I am so confused. We've been talking all this time and yet he still cannot see. If he could, he's not budging.. he's still rock. All his words were so close, it was like he already knew, and yet after he strays away as if he really didnt know.. Maybe he didn't... It was driving me insane to know that what i once found simple happiness and joy in, I now couldn't take just as it was. All his words led me astray. His words implied that he wanted something, although he would never say what...He confuses me with his words. His words say one thing, and seemingly imply something else and his actions speak differently.


Huwag mo akong sisihin kung ang lungkot ng aking damdamin

Bakit di mo akong subukan suyuin…suyuin

If he did feel anything for me... wouldn't he just say it? But he doesn't even really know does he?

Naghihintay, kahit parang wala pag - asa

Handa, maghintay kahit pa may’ron kang iba

Bahala na,

Naghihintay ako na ika’y makasama

Kahit na, naghihintay

Kahit parang wala na

I guess it doesnt matter if I can't really have him or even if he really has someone else in mind despite his denials. It shouldn't matter if he likes me back or not. The point is that I know how I feel about him and it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. This is what I feel. I know that I feel it. It doesn't even matter to me so much whether he knows or not... but this is all I know for sure. I know that I feel this much for him.

But still....

Bakit ba di mo buksan ang iyong mga mata

Nang ang oras natin ay di na masayang pa

if he really does feel anything for me... even if its against his priorities in life.. I wish he would just say them, or else show a sign that I am just being hopeful and paranoid. With that clarity, we could either move forward together or separately... either way, it would be better. I know that I have a lot to offer him. I know that he may not be willing to offer me as much for his own reasons, but I wish I could just know. At least, for my own peace of mind.

Though, deep inside I know I wish and dream that there would be something more....
I dream about it so much now. I don't know if I can just let myself slip through it without feeling even a tinge of disappointment when he says no..


Huwag mo akong sisihin kung ang lungkot ng aking damdamin

Bakit di mo akong subukan suyuin…suyuin

If there really was something... Because its confusing me and everyone else that knows the story...if we could just try...

But if there really is nothing... I would still wait...


Naghihintay, kahit parang wala pag - asa

Handa, maghintay kahit pa may’ron kang iba

Bahala na,

Naghihintay ako na ika’y makasama

Kahit na, naghihintay


....Kahit parang wala na

And that was what I thought of today at 9:45 am in La Casita, just in case anyone was wondering..