Blind

This is how things are. You think you know something, but you really don't. I used to think this way myself. Up until recently, so many things were unclear to me. With everything that's happened, I really needed time to be alone, do things I wanted to do and then think about it all to finally put it all into perspective. And to add to that, I've never even been very good at organizing anything...so someone can probably just imagine just how much time and therapy I needed to think this all through.

Last night though... when everyone had gone offline and I was the only one awake, probably.... when no one else was talking to me... I told myself to look in the internet for old things that used to put really big smiles on my face. Instantly, I thought of Harry Potter. I looked up videos of the ship that I never really got on... the Ron and Hermione ship. Hey, this isn't about that... but one of the videos used a song by Lifehouse. The title of the song was Blind. After watching the video once, i knew I wasn't thinking about the video anymore.

I downloaded the song right away and since then, haven't stopped listening to it. I can't say that this song explains my entire situation at the moment... but it sums part of it up. I realized that the root of my problems was my past.. Well, not my past perse, but my inability to let that past go. Everything in that past from gradeschool to highschool, I still haven't let it go.. And I think that's why things are so messed up right now.. Because everyone has moved on but me... and here I am trying to drag them all back with me.

A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried.

Now, I always thought I was mature compared to everyone else.. I don't know. Maybe in a way, I am. But I had to think of things carefully.

Blind...that's what I was this entire time. I wanted to think that I knew myself so well at this point already, but I guess there is still a whole lot to learn...

I haven't written anything lately due to college and all this other stuff that's been happening...I reallly just needed to think it all through. I really needed the time.

Everyone has been telling me from the very beginning...I was that blind to not really see what they were trying to let me see...

Reality has come crashing on the floor...

After all this time... I couldn't see it..

I loved you more than you will ever know...

I hung on too my past so much because it was the only time I can recall ever being so totally 100% happy...

No one could make me see it....

But I do see it now. That's why I think I can really do it now... move on. Not just because I was given a gigantic push forward, but because maybe it really is the time to move on and possibly start life anew... I'm given college as a chance to do that...

Yeah....

A part of me died, when I let you go...

This may be true... a part of me might die when I finally am able to let go of my past... but...I have no worries.. because i will be building a new life for myself.


I would fall asleep only in hopes of dreaming that everything would be like is was before, but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor...

It's time I stop dreaming that everything would ever go back to what they were before.. The world, Life and God... just doesn't work that way....


I see it now....


So, this...


...this will be the last you ever see of me.




Here are the lyrics to

Blind by Lifehouse...:


I was young but I wasn't naive

I watched helpless as he turned around to leave

and still I have the pain I have to carry

a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried



after all this time

I never thought we'd be here

never thought we'd be here

when my love for you was blind

but I couldn't make you see it

couldn't make you see it

that I loved you more than you'll ever know

a part of me died when I let you go



I would fall asleep

only in hopes of dreaming

that everything would be like is was before

but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor



after all this time

I never thought we'd be here

never thought we'd be here

when my love for you was blind

but I couldn't make you see it

couldn't make you see it

that I loved you more than you'll ever know

a part of me died when I let you go



after all this time

would you ever wanna leave it

maybe you could not believe it

that my love for you was blind

but I couldn't make you see it

couldn't make you see it

that I loved you more than you will ever know

a part of me died when I let you go

and I loved you more than you'll ever know

a part of me dies when I let you go


Quote:
"Being happy doesn't meant that everything is perfect. It just means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfection. So don't say you're happy because everything's alright. Be happy because everything sucks, but you're doing just fine..."