Okay. For this entry. I think it will be a half-rant, half-emo, half-randomness, half-stupidity and half-seriousness.
See? So many halves in a whole. This entry is stupid already.
But I don't care. I'm ranting.
I don't think... no, I just canNOT think of one other time when I've ever been more or even just as frustrated as I am now. No. For some strange and alien reason, this feels even more frustrating that those "problems" I have about love--as if that wasn't frustrating enough, you know. But now.. NOW.. the one thing that has been keeping me alive and HAPPY this past month frustrated the heck out of me... well, no. It's not the thing perse...
oh, fine. I'll just say it.
I want to learn frickin Japanese.
This isn't a new desire. No, no. It's been there since I was in the fifth grade. Fine, call me an anime nerd/geek/freak-whatever. If you saw my face now, it would be the face of me not caring. No. Nu-uh. But see, why? I don't know. I guess i've always just been entranced about how they spoke and what they were speaking about. The Japanese just seem to come up with the most brilliant things--well, brilliant to me anyway. Since then (that was almost ten years ago by the way) I've always wanted to but people know me, I'm a goddamn procrastinator. It was never like my desire wasn't big enough or I wasn't dedicated enough. I just stop when I feel like taking a break.
I'm getting off topic. So what IS the point?
The point is... I want to learn Japanese now. Like.. I REALLY REALLY REALLLLLLYY want to learn. And this time, I'm serious. Super serious. I've spent the last 3 weeks spending my time in the mall.. at National Bookstore reading japanese books. I speak in broken Japanese phrases and I think my tone of voice is changing into the tone of a japanese person. Perhaps I am a freak. Lay off. When I'm alone, all I can think about is being surrounded with Japanese people and me laughing my head off because DAMMIT, I UNDERSTAND THEM. But hell, that's just in my dreams.
Today, I finally started writing non-gibberish in japanese. Actual words with the actual characters and I frickin understand them. But...
it's just not enough.... there is still so much to learn... and like all things, I want to learn it right away... I want the easy way out to get to that goal...
I realized this when I was watching... well TRYING to watch the newest episode of HYD2...(that's Hana Yori Dango2). It's the one thing keeping a bounce in my step. No, my life isn't a mess or anything, but it keeps the monotony of life away. It gives me something new to look, see, hear, think and talk about. It gives me energy to keep moving.. Like gasoline to a car.
But when I was looking at it.. without the english subtitles... I realized... I still couldn't understand a word.
And oddly...
..i cried.
I. Actually. Cried.
If you think about it... from another person's perspective. it seems totally stupid. Why am I crying because I can't watch a tv show (technically, on the internet, whatever)? It's just a show, you might say.
..but it was more than that. And I'm not just saying it.
it was a painful reminder of how there are just some things you can want more than the entire universe...that you can't have. At least, not right away. No, not as easily as you'd like it to come. I know, learning a language isn't easy. Duh, I'm not THAT stupid. Its dumb and stupid. But I can honestly say that I don't think I've ever wanted anything more than that.. right now, its what I want. That's what sucks about things we want that are intangible.
...I've never been one to want a lot of material things, you know. Why can't I just get one thing? Just...one...
I could say I want a bunch of stuff (clothes, books, etc).. but never as whole-heartedly as the inpalpable ones...
Sure, for people who know how the whole japanese-english translation thing for shows go... I can hear you saying "then just wait for the damn subtitles".
Yeah. I could. Right now, I have no choice. But there will come another time when only the raw version will come out--no translation, no subtitles.... when the only thing I can see are their actions and hear pure gibberish that I wish I knew. Then...then I'd just feel even more frustrated.
it will take patience. I know, I know. I'm used to being told to wait.
BUt i'm not a patient person. No. Not at all. I hate waiting. Ironically though, I always end up doing so. And I can't protest. For something I really want.. for something I really feel strongly about, I'll wait.
But...like now...
I'll be ranting while I do so.
Next time, I should try just keeping my mouth shut. Then maybe I won't have to wait so long.
Perhaps someone out there is having fun watching me squirm around like a little fish on land.
No, Bucko. Next time, I'm not letting you have your fun.
Because it's my turn.
See? So many halves in a whole. This entry is stupid already.
But I don't care. I'm ranting.
I don't think... no, I just canNOT think of one other time when I've ever been more or even just as frustrated as I am now. No. For some strange and alien reason, this feels even more frustrating that those "problems" I have about love--as if that wasn't frustrating enough, you know. But now.. NOW.. the one thing that has been keeping me alive and HAPPY this past month frustrated the heck out of me... well, no. It's not the thing perse...
oh, fine. I'll just say it.
I want to learn frickin Japanese.
This isn't a new desire. No, no. It's been there since I was in the fifth grade. Fine, call me an anime nerd/geek/freak-whatever. If you saw my face now, it would be the face of me not caring. No. Nu-uh. But see, why? I don't know. I guess i've always just been entranced about how they spoke and what they were speaking about. The Japanese just seem to come up with the most brilliant things--well, brilliant to me anyway. Since then (that was almost ten years ago by the way) I've always wanted to but people know me, I'm a goddamn procrastinator. It was never like my desire wasn't big enough or I wasn't dedicated enough. I just stop when I feel like taking a break.
I'm getting off topic. So what IS the point?
The point is... I want to learn Japanese now. Like.. I REALLY REALLY REALLLLLLYY want to learn. And this time, I'm serious. Super serious. I've spent the last 3 weeks spending my time in the mall.. at National Bookstore reading japanese books. I speak in broken Japanese phrases and I think my tone of voice is changing into the tone of a japanese person. Perhaps I am a freak. Lay off. When I'm alone, all I can think about is being surrounded with Japanese people and me laughing my head off because DAMMIT, I UNDERSTAND THEM. But hell, that's just in my dreams.
Today, I finally started writing non-gibberish in japanese. Actual words with the actual characters and I frickin understand them. But...
it's just not enough.... there is still so much to learn... and like all things, I want to learn it right away... I want the easy way out to get to that goal...
I realized this when I was watching... well TRYING to watch the newest episode of HYD2...(that's Hana Yori Dango2). It's the one thing keeping a bounce in my step. No, my life isn't a mess or anything, but it keeps the monotony of life away. It gives me something new to look, see, hear, think and talk about. It gives me energy to keep moving.. Like gasoline to a car.
But when I was looking at it.. without the english subtitles... I realized... I still couldn't understand a word.
And oddly...
..i cried.
I. Actually. Cried.
If you think about it... from another person's perspective. it seems totally stupid. Why am I crying because I can't watch a tv show (technically, on the internet, whatever)? It's just a show, you might say.
..but it was more than that. And I'm not just saying it.
it was a painful reminder of how there are just some things you can want more than the entire universe...that you can't have. At least, not right away. No, not as easily as you'd like it to come. I know, learning a language isn't easy. Duh, I'm not THAT stupid. Its dumb and stupid. But I can honestly say that I don't think I've ever wanted anything more than that.. right now, its what I want. That's what sucks about things we want that are intangible.
...I've never been one to want a lot of material things, you know. Why can't I just get one thing? Just...one...
I could say I want a bunch of stuff (clothes, books, etc).. but never as whole-heartedly as the inpalpable ones...
Sure, for people who know how the whole japanese-english translation thing for shows go... I can hear you saying "then just wait for the damn subtitles".
Yeah. I could. Right now, I have no choice. But there will come another time when only the raw version will come out--no translation, no subtitles.... when the only thing I can see are their actions and hear pure gibberish that I wish I knew. Then...then I'd just feel even more frustrated.
it will take patience. I know, I know. I'm used to being told to wait.
BUt i'm not a patient person. No. Not at all. I hate waiting. Ironically though, I always end up doing so. And I can't protest. For something I really want.. for something I really feel strongly about, I'll wait.
But...like now...
I'll be ranting while I do so.
Next time, I should try just keeping my mouth shut. Then maybe I won't have to wait so long.
Perhaps someone out there is having fun watching me squirm around like a little fish on land.
No, Bucko. Next time, I'm not letting you have your fun.
Because it's my turn.
ahahahaha! LOL!
ReplyDeleteyour intro is quite exquisite~sarcasm but in a good and funny way.
hmmm. going baacck...
if you want to learn japanese then you can always try to.
right? i mean c'mon, all it takes is some initiative, (i know that you've done that already i.e.: National bookstore moments) and maybe the drive to actually GO and LEARN FREAKIN JAPANESE.
hahahaha. it isnt stupid. if you want it so badly then go and reach for it.
you of all people are capable of doing so michelle.
just dont get too frustrated--PATIENCE.
who knows, maybe one day, you'll be the official speech pathologist for Filipino-Japanese foregin affairs. whuuuut?!?!?! hahahaha! :)
SO GO! hurry up and pursue japanese!!! XD
you always have filipino and english anyway.
what do you have to lose???? :)
oh, i know you're thinking it's a silly thing zoe. hahahaha
ReplyDeletejoke!
thanks.
I was actually hoping that my ranting will take a while and VIOLA! translations available!!!!
but no. hindi talaga. i'll sulk in my corner with my 7-year old, milo-drenched, excuse of a japanese book. hahaha
it's not a stupid thing to like to learn japanese mish..especially if you have potential in it :)
ReplyDeleteAnd like you said, all it takes is patience...you said you're not a patient person..maybe God wants you to work on that..being more patient. there's no harm in trying anyway..you'll still get to learn japanese :)
just don't get frustrated and enjoy learning japanese. that way, you'll just be suprised how good you are in japanese already!! :)
Go mish! I know you can do it!!
just wing it and stick it out, mishie. hahaha :) kayang kaya eh.
ReplyDeletehaha..yeah. im totally gettin you here.
ReplyDeletehave i told you i have plans of goin to japan to teach? haha. seriously. being an english teacher there. wooooh.. i'll get rich in no time.. hehe. so yeah, i guess i'l also have to learn japanese. ive already told my plans to my dad, and he told me i'l have to enroll in a japanese course. are there any in school? anyway, tara, sabay tayo!! haha.. although u'l hv to teach me the basics first. hehe. miss ya cuz. (weird, we're just in the same school..)
i miss ya too! havent seen you much at all!
ReplyDeletebut yeah! if you enroll, i'll do it with ya!!!!