http://istarinmyveryownsitcom.blogspot.com/
this is the address of where all the blog entries will be. I don't know if i'll post in both or what. maybe i will. but pure blogging is in blogspot. i'll just try it out for now, because there, there are no other distractions. pure blog. but in any case, here are the entries for the past few days...
The One with the Nutty Professor
September 12, 2006
7:14pm
Actually,
our professor wasn't so much "nutty" as he was...bitchy. Trully, the
only term for it. I still cannot believe that I went to school so early
in the morning (at 8am to be exact) just to wait three and a half hours
to listen to him and simply to see him. That was a bad blow to my
confidence that I'd like this term better.
To
be honest, he even looked like someone I knew. I couldn't put a finger
on it really, but he did. Sadly, the personality did not seem to match
its shell. Sure, perhaps he wasn't so bitchy bordering to become the
new teacher our block would hate this term, but I think the position has to be filled.
I
would so love it if we didn't have to have a teacher to fill in that
most unwanted seat, but someone has to do it. So I guess, so far, it
would have to be him. Unless Mr. FWDANCE Ronda can top him. We'll know
tomorrow.
But on a lighter note, I got to bring out something from my chest
today. Because of my boredom in the conservatory, I managed to study
for tomorrow's reading and I was able to write a letter. I had debated
whether or not to give the letter to its addressee but I felt that if I
did not give it to him, I would never do it again. I felt strongly
about getting the record straight. I wanted to settle the uneasiness I felt within me.
Finally I was able to tell him. It wasn't face to face as I would have
prefered it to be, but I think that I would rather give him a letter of
my complete feelings rather than senseless words that circled around
and contradicted themselves. At least, this way, I would be able to
organize my thoughts, with out feeling the pressure of someone
listening to me. As I wrote, I felt it all just flow into my fingers,
into the pen and onto the paper. All the things I've been meaning to
say. I told Chris I was sorry for drifting apart from them, but I also
told him that I didn't regret it. I believe that I really accomplished
something big for myself, and I am really proud of myself.
However,
I'd rather not say this, but I still have my doubts. The truth is,
despite my confidence that I've come passed the issue, there is no
concrete assurance that it will stay that way. The thing I fear the most
when it comes to this, is that I will one day suddenly just fall and
find myself right where I started. I would really rather not fall into
that death trap again. But I fear not--or at least I try my best to be
courageous.
I am fighting now, not for love, but for friendship.
When
I was a child, I remember not having any friends at all. I remember
doing almost anything to make myself believe I had any. When I was nine
I made up an imaginary friend that would do anything with me. I can
only remember one instance then, but I remember it nontheless. At ten,
I gave in to bullying a girl I knew just so I would "fit in" with a
group. When I turned eleven, I found friends that got tired of each
other and soon drifted apart. But then again, that was also the year I
found my true friends. My friends for the longest time: Raissa and
Micah. I am so very glad that until now, even if Raissa is miles away
and Micah and I are in college, we still talk every once in a while and
still know where each one is. Since the time I've met them, I've only
gained more friends and closer companions to treasure for my entire
lifetime (and beyond if I could).
If
I allowed myself to lose a friend or two now, who knows how long it
will be until I ended up to be that sad little girl again who didn't
have any friends at all. I'd be crushed if that happened and I would
have no one else to blame but myself for not fighting to keep these friendships.
I
know that if I hadn't done what I did, I would have probably hurt
myself and two others. It is better that things turned out the way they
did. Now I suppose, we're in a healing process, patching up the wounds
and getting back up to continue walking.
I felt good.
Regardless of how boring and frustrating this day was, I did one thing that made be feel absolutely good.
And no one can take that away from me.
7:14pm
Actually,
our professor wasn't so much "nutty" as he was...bitchy. Trully, the
only term for it. I still cannot believe that I went to school so early
in the morning (at 8am to be exact) just to wait three and a half hours
to listen to him and simply to see him. That was a bad blow to my
confidence that I'd like this term better.
To
be honest, he even looked like someone I knew. I couldn't put a finger
on it really, but he did. Sadly, the personality did not seem to match
its shell. Sure, perhaps he wasn't so bitchy bordering to become the
new teacher our block would hate this term, but I think the position has to be filled.
I
would so love it if we didn't have to have a teacher to fill in that
most unwanted seat, but someone has to do it. So I guess, so far, it
would have to be him. Unless Mr. FWDANCE Ronda can top him. We'll know
tomorrow.
But on a lighter note, I got to bring out something from my chest
today. Because of my boredom in the conservatory, I managed to study
for tomorrow's reading and I was able to write a letter. I had debated
whether or not to give the letter to its addressee but I felt that if I
did not give it to him, I would never do it again. I felt strongly
about getting the record straight. I wanted to settle the uneasiness I felt within me.
Finally I was able to tell him. It wasn't face to face as I would have
prefered it to be, but I think that I would rather give him a letter of
my complete feelings rather than senseless words that circled around
and contradicted themselves. At least, this way, I would be able to
organize my thoughts, with out feeling the pressure of someone
listening to me. As I wrote, I felt it all just flow into my fingers,
into the pen and onto the paper. All the things I've been meaning to
say. I told Chris I was sorry for drifting apart from them, but I also
told him that I didn't regret it. I believe that I really accomplished
something big for myself, and I am really proud of myself.
However,
I'd rather not say this, but I still have my doubts. The truth is,
despite my confidence that I've come passed the issue, there is no
concrete assurance that it will stay that way. The thing I fear the most
when it comes to this, is that I will one day suddenly just fall and
find myself right where I started. I would really rather not fall into
that death trap again. But I fear not--or at least I try my best to be
courageous.
I am fighting now, not for love, but for friendship.
When
I was a child, I remember not having any friends at all. I remember
doing almost anything to make myself believe I had any. When I was nine
I made up an imaginary friend that would do anything with me. I can
only remember one instance then, but I remember it nontheless. At ten,
I gave in to bullying a girl I knew just so I would "fit in" with a
group. When I turned eleven, I found friends that got tired of each
other and soon drifted apart. But then again, that was also the year I
found my true friends. My friends for the longest time: Raissa and
Micah. I am so very glad that until now, even if Raissa is miles away
and Micah and I are in college, we still talk every once in a while and
still know where each one is. Since the time I've met them, I've only
gained more friends and closer companions to treasure for my entire
lifetime (and beyond if I could).
If
I allowed myself to lose a friend or two now, who knows how long it
will be until I ended up to be that sad little girl again who didn't
have any friends at all. I'd be crushed if that happened and I would
have no one else to blame but myself for not fighting to keep these friendships.
I
know that if I hadn't done what I did, I would have probably hurt
myself and two others. It is better that things turned out the way they
did. Now I suppose, we're in a healing process, patching up the wounds
and getting back up to continue walking.
I felt good.
Regardless of how boring and frustrating this day was, I did one thing that made be feel absolutely good.
And no one can take that away from me.
Monday, September 11, 2006
The One with the Start of the Second Term
September 11, 2006
7:52pm
Celebrating the 5th Anniversary of the 9/11 WTC attack.
Today at 4:45am, my alarm clock sprang to life and so did, unfortunately, my day.
I've
always been feeling half and half about the start of another term, the
continuation of even more studying. To be quite honest, I can't imagine
just how I came to this point in my life where I am already in college.
Call me the person who gets the mondo late reactions, but it's kind of freaking me out here. I've always been the type to always keep imagining myself as a high school student.
The high school student who would eternally listen to her older college
cousins talk about just that (college, I mean) and talk about subjects
that I never, in my life, would ever be caught dead studying in high
school. I always thought that I would forever be talking to my cousins
who were my age about the crappiness of Noli Me Tangere or the torture
of Geometry and the dreadful pain of Chemistry. These were things that
I never imagined straying from,
no matter how much I hated them. Those subjects, thoughts and events
that I thought I would never part with, and yet here I am, almost about
a year or so later, not even being able to meet up with my cousins
because our parents don't seem to be putting much effort on getting
together, choosing what combination and what outfit to wear every
single day (double checking if I've already worn the exact same thing
once before), killing myself to remember what room I've supposed to be
in at this exact time, trying to remember what section I am in a
certain subject (A-something, something), hopping aboard metal tubes
that zoom and can't even keep its balance, riding in smoggy old scrap
metal vehicles that don't even correct you if you pay for a regular fee
and not a student's fee and waking up in the morning to the sound of
that oh, so beautiful wake up call that just makes you want to pound on something hard.
But, whatever. The point is, I woke up at 4:45am today. Haha. Why? Because I have a 7 o' clock class, dammit. And why did I have a 7 o' clock class? Well, it's because it's the start of sem-two of year one of five years. I hope you got that. Even if during the first term, I thought it went by like zip. Nuh-uh. This day was just pure, "But I don't want to go to school" Syndrome. It's amazing since never in my life have I wanted to not go to school. Ever.
More than I do now. It's not so much that the subjects are crappy, the
professors are boring and the block is bleh. No, not at all. In fact,
my subjects, professors (so far), and especially my block are totally
cool. I am just lazy.
I. Am. Lazy. Period. Dot. End.
That's
the reason I got cranky all day. I don't know why the hell I feel so
lazy and can't wait to go home when during the break, I couldn't wait
to just get out of the house. It just goes to show just how uncontent
human beings are in this world. I am no exemption and I admit that I am not easily contented--if I have ever been, anyway.
No worries though. Unlike I was before, I now have simple joys
that take my day up and up and high and high. They're really simple and
I'm really glad that I now have them. Unfortunately, with the exemption
of this lovely
"First Day High" (note: sarcasm), little things have a tendency to just
tick me off. Luckily, I kept most of that to myself. Haha. I'm patting
myself in the back right now...it's hard though. Anyway, simple joys;
back to simple joys. These little things have kept me going in this
strange time of adjustment. I suppose now its another replay of
that--like a recurring dream that changes place or people, but not the
event. You know? I guess that, despite all the laziness,
procrastination and bitterness about going to school again (university, Mishie. Not school, university. Haha. Whatever), it is still another chance of renewal.
After looking at myself, analyzing my first term. I still think I could
have done better. It is true, that while I did make large changes and
steps in my academic and personal life, I still have, and there always
is, room for improvement.
I'm taking that room. And I'm making it mine.
This second term? Hah. Watch out. Right
after I'm done with my denial phase (I still think it's vacation), I'll
be back on my feet and ready to punch that semester in the face. I'm
coming back.
With a vengence.
7:52pm
Celebrating the 5th Anniversary of the 9/11 WTC attack.
Today at 4:45am, my alarm clock sprang to life and so did, unfortunately, my day.
I've
always been feeling half and half about the start of another term, the
continuation of even more studying. To be quite honest, I can't imagine
just how I came to this point in my life where I am already in college.
Call me the person who gets the mondo late reactions, but it's kind of freaking me out here. I've always been the type to always keep imagining myself as a high school student.
The high school student who would eternally listen to her older college
cousins talk about just that (college, I mean) and talk about subjects
that I never, in my life, would ever be caught dead studying in high
school. I always thought that I would forever be talking to my cousins
who were my age about the crappiness of Noli Me Tangere or the torture
of Geometry and the dreadful pain of Chemistry. These were things that
I never imagined straying from,
no matter how much I hated them. Those subjects, thoughts and events
that I thought I would never part with, and yet here I am, almost about
a year or so later, not even being able to meet up with my cousins
because our parents don't seem to be putting much effort on getting
together, choosing what combination and what outfit to wear every
single day (double checking if I've already worn the exact same thing
once before), killing myself to remember what room I've supposed to be
in at this exact time, trying to remember what section I am in a
certain subject (A-something, something), hopping aboard metal tubes
that zoom and can't even keep its balance, riding in smoggy old scrap
metal vehicles that don't even correct you if you pay for a regular fee
and not a student's fee and waking up in the morning to the sound of
that oh, so beautiful wake up call that just makes you want to pound on something hard.
But, whatever. The point is, I woke up at 4:45am today. Haha. Why? Because I have a 7 o' clock class, dammit. And why did I have a 7 o' clock class? Well, it's because it's the start of sem-two of year one of five years. I hope you got that. Even if during the first term, I thought it went by like zip. Nuh-uh. This day was just pure, "But I don't want to go to school" Syndrome. It's amazing since never in my life have I wanted to not go to school. Ever.
More than I do now. It's not so much that the subjects are crappy, the
professors are boring and the block is bleh. No, not at all. In fact,
my subjects, professors (so far), and especially my block are totally
cool. I am just lazy.
I. Am. Lazy. Period. Dot. End.
That's
the reason I got cranky all day. I don't know why the hell I feel so
lazy and can't wait to go home when during the break, I couldn't wait
to just get out of the house. It just goes to show just how uncontent
human beings are in this world. I am no exemption and I admit that I am not easily contented--if I have ever been, anyway.
No worries though. Unlike I was before, I now have simple joys
that take my day up and up and high and high. They're really simple and
I'm really glad that I now have them. Unfortunately, with the exemption
of this lovely
"First Day High" (note: sarcasm), little things have a tendency to just
tick me off. Luckily, I kept most of that to myself. Haha. I'm patting
myself in the back right now...it's hard though. Anyway, simple joys;
back to simple joys. These little things have kept me going in this
strange time of adjustment. I suppose now its another replay of
that--like a recurring dream that changes place or people, but not the
event. You know? I guess that, despite all the laziness,
procrastination and bitterness about going to school again (university, Mishie. Not school, university. Haha. Whatever), it is still another chance of renewal.
After looking at myself, analyzing my first term. I still think I could
have done better. It is true, that while I did make large changes and
steps in my academic and personal life, I still have, and there always
is, room for improvement.
I'm taking that room. And I'm making it mine.
This second term? Hah. Watch out. Right
after I'm done with my denial phase (I still think it's vacation), I'll
be back on my feet and ready to punch that semester in the face. I'm
coming back.
With a vengence.
Friday, September 08, 2006
The One with My New Layout
September 09, 2006
8:34pm
It
is now clearly evident that I have been watching too much of
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. for me to be templating almost everything in the theme.
Actually, I have been planning this change for much too long now and it
was only during this last few days of the break that I was finallly
able to tear myself away from the television screen to do so. I figured
that after this semestral break is over, I will once again be the
epitome of endless procrastination--still quite evident even during my
vacation (seeing as I waited once again for the last part of the break
to "come up" with time to make all these changes)--when school rolls
around once more this Monday.
How long have I been thinking of
these changes? For a long time now, actually, and it didn't just start
when I began watching countless episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. A few years
ago, I actually considered my life to be somewhat parallel to a Soap
Opera. You know the type: emotional, dramatic and full of crap. It's
true that while Soap Operas are dramatic (and was my life back then) I
considered my life coinciding with the dramas portayed in noontime
television. But then, as I look back on it now, my life was quite
different from that which I once thought it to be. The truth is, ever
since I was very, very young about eight or so, I recall sitting at
home every Wednesday night in front of the television with my mom.
She'd turn the channel to ABC5 and would wait until nine o' clock came.
Then from the speakers of the TV, I'd here the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. theme
and, although I was young at the time, still understood the language
and the humor that the sitcom presented. This never left me. Growing
up, I watched episodes of it. Not completely but I cherished those
times that I watched it all the same. My mom and I would watch Will and
Grace as well just proving all the more that I grew up in sitcoms
rather than the Soap Operas I claimed my life to be like.
Now
that I am older and have gone through High School, I look back on it
all now and think that, even if my High School life was full of
dramatics worthy of Oscar nominations, my life was still, pretty much
enjoyable, and all those fun moments, exactly like the ones you find in
sitcoms. Most people know that, regardless of it being called as
Situation Comedies, sitcoms still do have their dramatic side. It is
very much like the serious tones of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. like when Ross and
Rachel would fight very, very dramatically (which made me recall all my
own personal battles with someone else). What makes it fall under
comedy, I suppose, is the fact that, regardless of their situation,
they can still laugh about it. That was the magic that the group
provided. There were different personalities that were mixed in the
show and each of them brought their own little piece of laughter into
the whole batter which made the entire series successful in bringing
laughs to countless numbers of people.
I, personally, have a
hard time laughing in a very serious situation, especially when I am
engrossed and absorbed in it. I find no humor at all. It is only when
the situation is subsiding or lifting a bit that I can look back and
laugh at myself. That's what makes me so thankful that I have friends
that actually match with some of the characters from the series. I
suppose my friends aren't as witty or naturally as funny as the
characters on the show (no offense, guys); I mean, my friends know when
the appropriate time for humor is and when it is alright to inject
humor in a certain situation. But then, as I think of it, perhaps
that's what makes the lives of Ross, Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe
and Joey so darn interesting. There's laughter in almost everything.
Sure, it probably doesn't happen that naturally in real life, but it is
possible to be. In fact, watching the series straight for the past few
days is making me realize that humor is something that I should
probably try out more often whether or not the people around me are
familiar with F.R.I.E.N.D.S. The way I see it, people love a good
laugh--especially when they're feeling down. They could use a bit of
cheering up. I think that, if I can be good enough to adapt some of
those traits from each character (without seeming like too much of a
wacko) I can find a way to bring a little bit of laughter back into
people's lives.
Another reason why I now compare my life to a
sitcom is, well, that I have absorbed part of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. already.
At least, around the house. My brother and I watch a lot of the show
and the humor is totally rubbing off on us. We have quips that make us
feel like we're in the show. I even feel a lot lighter and happier
since watching it. Laughter is the best medicine. Up until recently, I
was still pretty doubtful and bummed about a bunch of things that have
been happening but now, my worries are totally gone. Isn't that just
dandy?
Well, I've gone from what should have been a simple
explanation to a whole narration of the story to why I picked this
layout. But now I'm done. Here it is.
My life is a sitcom.8:34pm
It
is now clearly evident that I have been watching too much of
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. for me to be templating almost everything in the theme.
Actually, I have been planning this change for much too long now and it
was only during this last few days of the break that I was finallly
able to tear myself away from the television screen to do so. I figured
that after this semestral break is over, I will once again be the
epitome of endless procrastination--still quite evident even during my
vacation (seeing as I waited once again for the last part of the break
to "come up" with time to make all these changes)--when school rolls
around once more this Monday.
How long have I been thinking of
these changes? For a long time now, actually, and it didn't just start
when I began watching countless episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. A few years
ago, I actually considered my life to be somewhat parallel to a Soap
Opera. You know the type: emotional, dramatic and full of crap. It's
true that while Soap Operas are dramatic (and was my life back then) I
considered my life coinciding with the dramas portayed in noontime
television. But then, as I look back on it now, my life was quite
different from that which I once thought it to be. The truth is, ever
since I was very, very young about eight or so, I recall sitting at
home every Wednesday night in front of the television with my mom.
She'd turn the channel to ABC5 and would wait until nine o' clock came.
Then from the speakers of the TV, I'd here the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. theme
and, although I was young at the time, still understood the language
and the humor that the sitcom presented. This never left me. Growing
up, I watched episodes of it. Not completely but I cherished those
times that I watched it all the same. My mom and I would watch Will and
Grace as well just proving all the more that I grew up in sitcoms
rather than the Soap Operas I claimed my life to be like.
Now
that I am older and have gone through High School, I look back on it
all now and think that, even if my High School life was full of
dramatics worthy of Oscar nominations, my life was still, pretty much
enjoyable, and all those fun moments, exactly like the ones you find in
sitcoms. Most people know that, regardless of it being called as
Situation Comedies, sitcoms still do have their dramatic side. It is
very much like the serious tones of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. like when Ross and
Rachel would fight very, very dramatically (which made me recall all my
own personal battles with someone else). What makes it fall under
comedy, I suppose, is the fact that, regardless of their situation,
they can still laugh about it. That was the magic that the group
provided. There were different personalities that were mixed in the
show and each of them brought their own little piece of laughter into
the whole batter which made the entire series successful in bringing
laughs to countless numbers of people.
I, personally, have a
hard time laughing in a very serious situation, especially when I am
engrossed and absorbed in it. I find no humor at all. It is only when
the situation is subsiding or lifting a bit that I can look back and
laugh at myself. That's what makes me so thankful that I have friends
that actually match with some of the characters from the series. I
suppose my friends aren't as witty or naturally as funny as the
characters on the show (no offense, guys); I mean, my friends know when
the appropriate time for humor is and when it is alright to inject
humor in a certain situation. But then, as I think of it, perhaps
that's what makes the lives of Ross, Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe
and Joey so darn interesting. There's laughter in almost everything.
Sure, it probably doesn't happen that naturally in real life, but it is
possible to be. In fact, watching the series straight for the past few
days is making me realize that humor is something that I should
probably try out more often whether or not the people around me are
familiar with F.R.I.E.N.D.S. The way I see it, people love a good
laugh--especially when they're feeling down. They could use a bit of
cheering up. I think that, if I can be good enough to adapt some of
those traits from each character (without seeming like too much of a
wacko) I can find a way to bring a little bit of laughter back into
people's lives.
Another reason why I now compare my life to a
sitcom is, well, that I have absorbed part of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. already.
At least, around the house. My brother and I watch a lot of the show
and the humor is totally rubbing off on us. We have quips that make us
feel like we're in the show. I even feel a lot lighter and happier
since watching it. Laughter is the best medicine. Up until recently, I
was still pretty doubtful and bummed about a bunch of things that have
been happening but now, my worries are totally gone. Isn't that just
dandy?
Well, I've gone from what should have been a simple
explanation to a whole narration of the story to why I picked this
layout. But now I'm done. Here it is.
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