No One There

A lost love is somehow a love gained, they say, for the more you lose the closer you are to meeting the person destined for you; somehow you'll lose enough to find yourself in the arms of the one who has waited for you all this time....

Or, is this only how we'd like to think of it?

What if we've taken all this time losing love and never find "him"?
What if we end up just destroying part of our selves and never even meeting "him"?
What if by the time we reach the place we're supposed to finally see "him", there's no one there?
What if there is no "him"?
What if there's no one?
What if there's no one waiting anywhere for you?

Could it be that you were meant to live the life you life as you are...alone?

A lot of people say cliche's like "many fish in the sea" or "there's someone out there for you" or "he's waiting for you". What if all of those saying are just some ploy to make you feel better and build up your hope? How do they really know if someone's out there in the world waiting for you to meet them anyway? Could it be that all those comforting words were doubling as excuses just to make ourselves feel better over the loss or the pain of a love lost or never attained?

I, myself, really don't want to think so. With all my heart, I do wish there's someone out there meant for me who can relieve me of all this ache in my heart; someone who can make me smile as much as I ever can; someone who will make me feel that sort of happiness you can rarely find or feel from just anyone. Someone to love me...

But, let's look at it, shall we? What if I journey through life, so confident and hopeful or someone there in the future, somewhere with me and then finally reach the destination, only to see an empty space, enough to accomodate only one? Then what? Despite what we'd like to believe or think, the destiny we hope we'd share with another human being, would be shared just with yourself...or your dog.

I mean, is there really someone out there in the world who would be willing to wait for us that long? Even if they've never met us...ever?

Perhaps.
Maybe.
I hope.
Maybe not.

But like all things hypothetical, unreachable and passed, I suppose that it's only right to let those thoughts go...just like other things worth letting go of, perhaps....

Maybe making us feel better by telling ourselves that there is someone out there waiting for us is somewhat close to living a fantasy. By living and hoping in the fantasy, we might build ourselves up for a great contentment or utter disappointment--something we can never determine. If it turns out that it is disappointment, then perhaps it is time to let go of that fantasy. If someone doesnt feel comfortable with letting go after trying just once, then try another time...or a few more times. Until you get the feel of what you think you're up against.

It would be ironic though if somehow, someway, living the life i live alone is my destiny. What, with the billions of people in this world, people would think there's someone out there, right? IF there isn't then........

As for me, I've told and given my self many chances to feel and make sure of where I stand and how I feel. There are so many things I've learned over the years in checking and checking. I think it's about time I made my move. Which would be....?

Acceptance.

When you accept that there's something you want that you can't have, it makes it easier for you to let go. You know that it can't happen so you stop thinking about it and worrying about it all the time and find time to move forward in your life. When there really are circumstances you can't battle and can't change, it's best for everyone involved, especially yourself, if the thought or fantasy is just set free.

To watch something or someone you want or love walk, run or fly away it's definitely sad. To let go of someone always is letting go of a part of youself as well, and wherever or whatever part you've lost, you try to move on in your life to fill that hole/ gap. It's a daunting task and most people do not dare letting go because both letting go and refilling the gap is very, very hard (no number of "very"s will ever be able to capture just how hard) to do.

I guess the idea itself isn't very hard to explain...its executing it that's difficult. Easier said than done, I suppose--another cliche. The worst thing in the entire process is withdrawal...when you suddenly, somehow, out of no where, start to fall back and return to your original state---something no one wants to happen!

I suppose there's just no way to explain how to overcome withdrawal....

But back to waiting...

Someday, somewhere, someone will still be there waiting for me--or I'd wait for him. NO matter how horrible my experience in waiting already is...I suppose I'm willing to make that sacrifice to know if there really someone out there.

It can be weeks, months, years or, heck, maybe even decades for me to find that person. But I know, I just know that, in the end, the discovery would surely, surely, be worth it. When I find him......heh. All this would have been worth it...

No matter how difficult the road may be.......

But first thing's first....

"Let me let you go"
("The Lake House", 2006).