A Plea for Deliverance

Does that need much explanation? I went to church today as I always do. I was a bit late--well, no not really...we just couldn't find an ideal seat, but we sat, nevertheless. So anyway...the entire time I was there...well, today was pentecost and the church was all dolled up in red and everything...

My dad, brother and I sat in the choir stands, right next to the newly reconstructed/repainted statue of Mama Mary. The entire time, I was looking at her. She, or the statue at the very least, was very pretty. I don't know. Whatever it was that captivated me to just stare at Mama Mary...She seemed so serene. For someone who, I guess at the time jesus died was...oh... 40+ years old... (wasn't she about fifteen when the angel came to her?)...she looked young. I wondered if I'd ever live a life anywhere as significant or as important as hers.. Well, doi, I suppose not, but I have my purpose. Someday I'll find out just what that purpose is and I'll deliver to the best of my ability. I just hope it won't involve going into the convent. I remember so many years ago when I was convinced that was my destination. Why did that view of mine change? I can't seem to remember, but I know that I used to be so worried that that was where I'd end up. I still hope that I don't end up there. I want to be able to do something good without ever going in there...

Instead, while looking at her, I just prayed that I'll be able to get over all of this. You know, its so hard not knowing what the next step will be. I know I've been optimistic all this while and its good, but I suppose that I never tried looking at where I should be headed next. I prayed for guidance, for some sort of light to the right direction--the direction where my deliverance might be. it's kind of dramatic, I know, but when has my life not been? Well, my teenage life anyway. So, there. I just prayed. A lot. I apologized too for only trully praying 100000% when I really want something, but I promised that this more important than anything I've ever prayed for in the past. So, I prayed for my mum--firstly--and then my family...then myself.

 I used to pray for one other thing, but guess what? that prayer was already answered. That prayer...it wasn't for me.. not at all. But I prayed for that anyway. And now, it was answered. It's good... it's really good. So, in effect, I ceased praying for that...

So now, that's my bedtime prayer... I hope, like the last one prayer of mine.. it is answered.